This post originally appeared 05/14/2019.
For weeks, I have not had much brewing on the blog or on Instagram in terms of inspiration, reviews, or trips – simply because in a sense, I’m still grieving the loss of my dad. But, each time I think of how the past 30 days have been, I keep thinking about how grateful I am for having such loving family and friends who have taken such good care of me during this process.
So, no.
Today’s post won’t be about amazing travel adventures or the latest greatest product. Instead today’s post is about how to care for someone close to you when they’ve lost someone close to them.
For starters, I hear so many horrid stories of how relationships crumble when one out of the relationship loses a parent (and heaven forbid; a child).
Change Happens
One of my older cousins had a long conversation with me about how much his marriage changed once his wife lost not one parent, but both of her parents. He explained how much things had changed within their relationship, their household, and how you have to be capable of and willing to move with the change. I wholeheartedly agree with this.
The conversation continued and he went further into explaining how you have to be strong within yourself and strong within your marriage because during challenging times such as these, it’s so easy for people to quit and leave or have terrible breakdowns that don’t necessarily have the most happiest endings.
Our conversation was very real and very heartfelt. It reminded me of two books that I enjoy and have written about.
One is – Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson. Yes, you grieve and it is hard, but if you want your relationship to continue successfully, you have to be able to move with and through the change.
Our conversation also reminded me of the online bible study course I just recently finished, Keep Showing Up. In the study, we learned so much more about being accountable in our relationships/marriages.
Although, my love and I haven’t discussed all of this in detail, I’ve expressed to him how much I appreciate him for the way he cared for me (and our family) during this difficult time. On numerous accounts, he could have walked away and left me high and dry, but he didn’t. For him, I am thankful.
5 Ways to Care
Below are just five ways he cared for me and how you, too can care for someone close to you when they’ve lost someone close to them.
- He took off from work to be with me on the most important days which included the day of my father’s passing, the day after, and the day of the service. Those were all tough days for me and he was there every step of the way.
- When it was time for us to head to the hospital for my father’s final moments, he packed me a lunch so that I would have something to eat and not have to leave from my father’s side in search of something to eat – because we weren’t sure how long he would last on hospice.
- He cleaned the house in preparation for family and friends to come over the night of my father’s passing. He was way ahead of me because I didn’t even think that people would come to my house, but they did since I am the oldest sibling. He was extremely hospitable to all guests and diffused some of the heated emotional discussions that took place.
- He sat with me while I emotionally typed out my dad’s obituary and compiled all of the photos for the slide show that played during the visitation.
- He made sure the boys were good to go and everything ran smoothly, so that I could be calm and handle the business aspects the best I could while feeling overwhelmed and emotional.
While these are five ways he cared for me, other close friends and family went above and beyond to offer their support, as well.
7 More Ways to Care
Below are seven ways family and friends supported and cared for me and how you can, too. I have to say that my dear friends and family were the absolute best during this time.
- My college roommate was at my house when I pulled up from the hospital waiting with a huge hug and food for the evening. Throughout the week, she checked on me several times throughout the day, stayed with me to keep me company, and brought food and drinks later on throughout the week. My older cousin also checked on me each day, brought food so that I didn’t have to cook, and also hosted an evening for the family to get together and provided dinner that evening.
- So many people sent cards, treats, flowers, and notes. A few even gave money. I cannot express how much it all meant.
- Administrative staff from work showed up and attended both, the visitation and graveside service. Many people from work also sent cards, treats, and notes.
- On the morning of my father’s service, I got up to start getting myself ready. While I was doing so, I received a text from my adopted grandmother. Yes, I have adopted her as mine. She said, she was on her way. She showed up at about 7 AM in an apron with a box of breakfast food. She walked in and explained… “Granddaughter, today will be a very long day for you, but, you must eat and take good care of yourself. Here is plenty for you all to eat.” She then laid everything out on the stove and everything was done so beautifully and thoughtfully.
- Once I returned to work, there was a breakfast prepared for me with a card. Our department staff welcomed me back and explained they they missed me and I was in their thoughts and prayers.
- While this did not happen for me, it’s what we did for a previous co-worker who lost her father. We made her a cozy gift basket of her favorite things as she planned to take time off to be alone, grieve, and further plan her next steps.
- By the time this post publishes, it will be 30 days since my dad’s passing and people are still checking on me via notes, messages, and texts. I appreciate it so much because so often once the service is over, people will return to their normal lives not necessarily taking into account that you now have a new normal that you must adjust to. So, really the support is appreciated.
Final Thoughts
Although, I have written from my own experience and perspective, I hope you take these as ideas for how you can support someone during their time of loss. With all of these ideas, there is no reason to say, “Well, I didn’t know what I should do.”
Yes, you do.
