Five years ago would have been the year 2018. 2017, 2018, and 2019 were very hard years for me. Actually, the past five have been. 2017 began very amazingly. It was the year that we traveled to 17 states. I’m so proud of that. But, towards the end of 2017, my dad had a stroke and that changed our lives.
He was in and out of the hospitals and began living in a nursing home. He was often depressed, forgetful, and cried a lot. He wasn’t the dad we were used to. This time period was even harder because I was my dad’s POA, but also working full-time, my boys were in a magnet school with higher expectations, and my son’s dad started a court proceeding once he learned that I had entered a new relationship.
I had told him once over brunch that I would eventually be entering a relationship and his random pop-ups would no longer be welcomed. He didn’t like that and told me that I should not be with anyone until the boys were out of high school (although he had a girlfriend and other women on the side). How selfish, to say the least?
So, again, there were great moments all puzzled together with very hard and trying moments. I believe that’s what we have come to know as life. But, I will say this.
“The rain will stop, the night will end, the hurt will fade. Hope is never so lost that it can’t be found.” –Ernest Hemingway
Anywho, in 2019, we gathered by our father’s side, prayed, expressed our love and gratitude, and watched him pass away. I don’t even know how to explain that moment. It was even worse a few days later. Getting myself ready that morning for the service was the absolute worse, although I had already been to see him the day before for the visitation. I believe it was knowing that this was the final time I would ever see him again.
Towards the end of 2019, I was exhausted. I was emotionally destroyed. I could no longer hang on to the Brennon that I was – volunteering, working, and trying to be the best I could be.
I was tired. I was missing my dad. My son’s father continued with the dramatics. I was tired of what had become of my position at work. I was tired.
In December, I had had enough of everything. I quit my job of six years and walked out. Literally. I stopped volunteering. I stopped everything so that I could just be and breathe. I don’t know that it was a nervous breakdown or anything. I was just tired of the life I was living.
Besides this blog, I had no other income and had no idea what was next. I just knew that I could no longer keep going at the pace I was going.
Check out, Blogging: The Ultimate Work-From-Home Business.
During this time, I reviewed my Lifebook, which I had been creating since that September, I applied for jobs that I was highly interested in, and I began to get clear on the new life I wanted to live.
Take the free Lifebook Masterclass on Mindvalley using this link.
Slowly, but surely, I began to make silent life changes. That following March during COVID, I was offered my current position. As I worked the position, I knew that I would enjoy it long-term. So, I began looking into relocation options and talking about creating a life with my partner.
We talked about relocation, marriage, and children. The following year, which was last year, I delivered our daughter early and she passed away during delivery.
It was such a terrible feeling and traumatic event to go through. I still look at her little pictures in my phone and remember rubbing her cute little cheeks and lips. I questioned so many things during that time.
In fact, I was even mad at my dad and God. I wondered why they would let something like that happen. I sat many afternoons at my dad’s grave in my pink camping chair, asking him, “Why?” “Just what was the reason?” in my Cardi B voice. A little humor for such a sad story.
After speaking to women who had gone through similar things such as my mentor, I learned that it was common, but women just don’t speak much about it. I also read a book about spirit babies and how they will end the pregnancy if they are not ready to be here or if they can sense that you are not ready for them.
Slowly but surely, I began to accept what had happened. I even had tests done to make sure all was well. In fact, you may have read some of my Modern Fertility journey on the blog. Coincidentally, I conceived again last year at the same time I did the previous year with A’leigh.
I don’t know how to describe it. It’s freaky weird. When I took a pregnancy test, I took a photo. And, when I looked at the one from the year before, it was the exact day and time, only a minute difference. The due dates are the same, as well. Hello, God! Hello, Universe! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I’m in my 18th week and things are moving smoothly. I haven’t had any complications and feel pretty good.
In the midst of all of that, we did relocate. My partner and I are finally under one roof. We even had a commitment ceremony in Las Vegas last year. I don’t know if anyone has ever done that, but it’s just like the real thing without it being legal. Whoa! Flowers, Chapel, Rings, and All. And, for now, I’m actually pretty cool with it. It takes away a lot of the legal and financial pressures that come with a legal marriage.
As of present day, life is good, with the exception of my son’s father and his continued court antics. All I know is that the Universe will have its way.
Moving past that, in February, I completed my CEMP certification which I shared in a What I’m Doing Now post. Later that month, I won the Outstanding Staff of the Year Green Award.
Also in February, my youngest son won Outstanding Student of the Month at his school. My oldest son is doing great in school and also taking his first college course (which was a part of the educational plan that I made him while he was in 8th grade). Talk about a proud mom!
So, overall life is getting better. I like it… A LOT!
With all of that being said, I’ve created a list of 20 ways that I have changed over the course of these past five roller-coaster ride years.
- I’ve learned to love myself more.
- I’ve learned to trust the process and not hurry things. I now believe in divine timing.
- I began to read more books and listen to morning motivational podcasts.
- I’ve learned to make gratitude a daily practice.
- I’ve learned to let go of people who don’t have my best interest at heart.
- I’ve started letting go of what others think of me and their false stories.
- I changed my phone number of 15 years.
- I relocated 30 miles away.
- I became more mindful of my daily thoughts and emotions.
- I no longer give energy to undeserving people or situations.
- I’ve worked to create new professional references, skills, and an upgraded resume.
- I’m working toward vegetarianism.
- I changed positions which has lead to amazing outcomes.
- I hired a new lawyer.
- I increased my professional development.
- I created an educational plan for my oldest son which is working.
- I entered a new relationship and committed to it with a commitment ceremony.
- I’ve been intentional with making time with my mother.
- I began creating multiple streams of income.
- I continue to make sure that as I level up that the boys do so, as well.
- I continue to encourage my boys to create vision goals and goals which has lead to amazing results.
Well, there you have it. Here’s a bit of my life and 20 Ways That I’ve Changed in the Past Five Years. What are some ways that you have changed over the past years? Feel free to leave a comment.
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